Finding my balance

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Marjorie Turner Hollman supports nonfiction authors self-publish their books. She is also a disability advocate, sharing information about Easy Walks (not too many roots or rocks, relatively level with firm footing, and something of interest along the way) in open space. Let’s get in touch.

The past thirty or so years have offered me challenges I never dreamed of. I no longer take for granted the ability to walk. “You never know what you’ve lost till it’s gone,” became my reality at age thirty-seven.

The years since then have taken me on a healing journey that has restored substantial movement to my right arm and let, and has profoundly changed who I am. Healing has come, slower than I hoped for, but it has come on many levels.

As I approach old age (reaching 70 hit hard!) I grew increasingly concerned that any more healing was past, and that the possibility of future increase in function was gone . . . .

Then a series of circumstances led me to join a clinical trial for a medical device called Walkasins. The minute I put them on around my ankles, my gait changed. My foot, which has been drooping these many years, perked up. My right leg, which has swung outward to keep me from tripping on that flappy foot suddenly began moving in sync with my left leg. Each day since has brought more evidence of healing.

When walking down stairs I no longer clutch the stair rail. Instead of watching to be sure my right foot lands safely on the next step, I look up and descend, using the railing as a guide, not a life line. Bending over to pick up sticks in the yard, my right big toe now does its part, offering me stability and providing support, allowing for balance and freedom of movement that has been denied for me for so many years.

One of my mandatory summer activities is berry picking. I am a passionate berry picker. Heat makes summer difficult for me, but collecting summer fruit redeems the summer, in my world. Finding fresh food in the wild has always felt magical. Collecting blueberries (and strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries) brings me great joy.

A trip I took to Newfoundland in August 2022 was amazing, not the least because we discovered ripe Arctic raspberries and cloud berries waiting for us to collect as we discovered Easy Walks alongside the shore.

It was when we stopped to pick blueberries at Wheeler Berry Farm in Worthington, Massachusetts that I internalized the profound change that has occurred since entering this clinical trial.

Wearing the Walkasins, I stepped out into the field of high bush blueberries and strode out with a confidence I had not felt in over thirty years. In past summers, hiking poles have been my necessary companion for berry picking adventures, allowing me safe passage through somewhat rough, uneven ground.

This time, I left the hiking poles behind and grabbed a bucket to pick blueberries. Wending my way to the back of the field, I began searching for those deep blue berries that would end up in a blueberry pie. Bushes in the next row looked promising, so I crossed between one row and the next. With each step, not feeling quite certain, I tested my right foot. Would it hold? Yes, it did.

Bending to reach berries lower down was easy. At no time did I worry that I was about to topple over. Well, perhaps a little worry, but I persisted. It takes a lot to discourage me from gathering berries.

As dusk settled in we headed back to pay for our fruit. My husband stood nearby, observing me navigating across the somewhat uneven ground. He smiled. He had never seen me cross uneven ground with such ease. He nodded his head and let me know how happy it made him to see me amongst the berries. I grinned, and let him know that a pie was in the works when we got home.

Is my gait like it used to be before my right side became paralyzed? No. Am I able to walk with more confidence, still marveling at the changes that are occurring in my advanced age? Indeed. Do I tell everyone I encounter that this medical device has given me a new freedom to walk that was lost in my youth? Absolutely.

Will Walkasins help anyone? Of course not. If only life were that simple. What I know is that the moment I put them on, my ability to walk differently, with more ease, became a reality. The changes that have occurred persist day to day, even as I take a break from wearing them some days, exploring how they affect my neurological connections.

And those blueberries? I am now convinced that entering a field of blueberry bushes may now qualify as an Easy Walk. My definition of an Easy Walk, (Not too many roots or rocks, relatively level with firm footing and something of interest along the way) has expanded. It now includes, “And wear my Walkasins when heading out to pick berries.” Now that puts a very big smile on my face. Having enough fresh berries to make a fresh berry pie makes me pretty happy too. Pie recipe here.

To get a clearer picture of the path I have followed since losing my ability to walk freely, read my memoir, My Liturgy of Easy Walks: Reclaiming hope in a world turned upside down.

Marjorie