Marjorie Turner Hollman is an author, creator, and observer who loves the outdoors. Link to all Marjorie’s books.
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This happened many years ago, but it still makes me smile.
My daughter came home from her last track meet of the year. As we ate dinner together she told me about the track meet, and then…
“Oh, that speech in English class today? Guess what? Somebody else also brought in chocolate chip cookies to demonstrate.”
“Oh?” I prompted, attempting to conceal my anxiety that this was going to turn into a catastrophe. (I have a habit of imagining disaster at every turn, but have never been very good at predicting catastrophes that have actually occurred.) There have been some doozies, just not ones I ever imagined.
“Yeah, but she had three cookies for everyone in the class, and milk too! I only had one cookie apiece.”
Cue Mom getting really worried her little girl is going to be crushed by this one-on-one matchup.
“And she had all these brand new boxes of everything, while I just had everything pre-measured in zip-loc bags so my speech was done—zip-zap! Two minutes. It was supposed to be five minutes. But Mrs. Spencer asked me some questions.”
God bless you Mrs. Spencer…
Among the many worries I had as my children were growing up was that they would suffer from the adversities—catastrophes—our family endured. Divorce, serious chronic illness, financial devastation, to name a few. Would they be OK? (Would I?)
Maybe if I worry enough about something, it might not happen? Preventive worrying does not really work, but we maybe this time….
When anxiety prompts us to take action that can change the direction of events, then it is useful. However, a belief that worry and extreme vigilance will spare us heartache is sure to be a false hope.
We want to spare our children pain. As it turns out, disappointments, frustrations, and failure are important teachers, unwelcome for sure, but essential for helping us learn how to thrive regardless of circumstances.
For many years my kids had to take on adult responsibilities as I overcame paralysis that compromised my ability to walk and work. My stamina is still limited. In those early days as we learned how to adapt to a mom who found herself in a body changed by illness, I worried. How would this affect my children?
It turns out, they saw me as Mom regardless. They kept me grounded. And I helped them learn to thrive. I was renamed, “the queen in her chair.” Calling out cooking instructions from my rocking chair as they worked to prepare yet another meal for our family earned me this title.
She concluded her story:
“I told them that I’ve had to help with a lot of the cooking in the last couple years, so, just give me the instructions and I can cook just about anything!” Then she flashed that beautiful 14-year old smile at me.
She’s learned to tell some pretty great stories too…
Marjorie
Marjorie Turner Hollman is a disability advocate, and author of the Easy Walks in Massachusetts trail guide series and My Liturgy of Easy Walks: Regaining Hope in a World Turned Upside Down. She is partially paralyzed; using hiking poles allows her to say “yes!” to outdoor trails that would otherwise be inaccessible. She and her husband pedal their adaptive tandem bicycle on railtrails near and far.
Marjorie Turner Hollman 