Marjorie Turner Hollman helps authors self-publish their books. She is also a disability advocate, sharing information about Easy Walks (not too many roots or rocks, relatively level with firm footing, and something of interest along the way) in open space. Click to learn more.
Here are some lessons I’ve learned about asking for help/support, from years of practice. The recording I made here was first shared through Michael Whitehouse’s Grateful Growth Summit. Many thanks to Michael for spurring me to meet his challenge of creating a fifteen minute talk for this event. The recording has more “what to do” suggestions than are listed here.
“Why Learning to ask for help is a good thing…for your business”:
I’ve started writing a book on why learning to ask for help is a good thing… for your business, for your personal life, and for those you enlist to help. This post is not comprehensive. Below are a few tips that I will expand on as the manuscript is developed. Let me know if you have questions or comments, please!
From the upcoming book:
Lesson 1: When asking, always make it easy for the person to say “no,” if it is not workable for them. Never pressure. It may produce a one-time result, but the negative feelings have long-term consequences. (It’s a sales concept too. Never pressure a potential client. In the long run it will not pay off. Ever.)
Lesson 2: Help the person you are asking to understand it’s important that they are honest with you. If they respond to your request out of guilt, they are not likely to look forward to hearing from you again. My script is (still!) something like this. “Please say no if this is not a good (time, task, etc.) for you.” Then I continue, “If you say ‘yes’ now, out of guilt, but it’s truly not workable for you, I will know, and won’t feel ok to ask you again another time. If you are honest and say ‘no, not now’, I will feel like I can ask you for help in the future.”
Lesson 3: Assure each person you approach that you have others you can ask (even if you don’t). Removing guilt from the interaction makes it easier for the person to respond honestly, and also takes the pressure off them to say yes. “Not now” keeps the door open to return another time with another request. I call this “Spreading the net wide.”
For extra credit: True Friends–a post I wrote for a friend
Just because you have had people in your life you could count on in the past does not guarantee that you will be able to depend on them in your present.
It is a real temptation to feel betrayed by friends or family who are unable to offer support in your present need. “Now I know who my real friends are,” is a phrase that is very commonly expressed when we find ourselves with unmet needs. The reality is that often, because of altered life circumstances, we are the ones who have changed, not them. That change may intensify our need for friends or family to step up. But these demands may not match those friends or family’s ability to respond.
Shared with care–
Marjorie
Marjorie Turner Hollman 